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And why are these Jim's enemies? BECAUSE THEY'RE SO JEALOUS!

Jonathan Franzen	"One of these days," Citizen Jim likes to say. "One of these days! I'm gonna punch that dirty bastard right in the mouth! You watch me and take notes, Missy!"
Harold and Maude	Citizen Jim doesn't care what anyone says, or how hard they laugh: "That movie is not funny!"
Kristy "Chicken" Sheets	"Same thing goes for those inane 'Gentlemen Callers' stories by Chicken Sheets!"
David Foster Wallace	"And another thing! One day, I'm gonna find myself in the same hotel with that bastard David Foster Wallace! And I'm gonna have me some gansta rappa friends wit me. And we gonna take that fuckin do-rag off that mothahfuckah's head, yo, and shove it down his GOTDAMN THROAT!"