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Of course, we ALL KNOW that Chicken Sheets is Citizen Jim's BEST FRIEND IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD! But he has other friends too. They HATE Chicken Sheets, but only because they'll never be as important to Jim as she is!

Any girlfriend who disses Jonathan Franzen gets BIG TIME SNAPS from Citizen Jim!	Miss Oprah
If you peer closely at the window right under the O in "house," you'll see Jim, Sonny, Martin and Rick Bragg having their soft-boiled egg eating contest a couple months ago. Jim won: not for eating the most eggs, but for eating the most pork chops with his eggs! WOO HOO!	The Waffle House
Don't be fooled: Jim only likes Dave Eggers because Chicken Sheets HATES HIM!!!	Dave "UglyBoi" Eggers
According to Citizen Jim, his good friend "W. E. B." gave him the best advice anyone has ever yet offered: "Fuck as many women as you can! But stay away from Viennese women, or else—well, you remember Emma, don'tcha? Bah! I rest my case, candy-ass!"	Mr. Butterworth