"You excited my apple and it ran all over me."
Charlotte Cabiniss

"Awww! Shoulda used the quickness..."
unidentified moviegoer, after telling characters throughout the film Aliens that they'd "better use the quickness!"

"Somebody stole my good luck jock strap! Now who'd wanna do a thing like that?"
Eugene Walter, from his poem "My Good Luck Jock Strap"

"It's a steamer!"
Jane E. Turnipseed

"Do I need to rewind this CD?"
Dorthea "Dudie" Lowells

"That is one no-talent son of a bitch."
Miles Davis, on Steve Miller

"I never heard of such a thing!"
Laurel Wilson, after Chicken Sheets diagnosed a computer monitor with screen burn

"I'd like to get the children's version of The Scarlet Letter."
unidentified bookstore customer

"She's mean and stupid. That's always a bad combination."
Steve Hopkins, on Donna Anderson

"It's hard to buy a loaf of bread in this town if you're not a Republican."
Lynn Valentine

"No, you see, I need a picture of Julius Caesar."
unidentified bookstore customer who, apparently, did not know that the reign of Emperor Julius Caesar occured some time before the advent of photography.

"Jim is a beautiful woman."
Meredith Portman

"Here's some money, dahlin', since you didn't get to sleep with me."
Granny Wolff

"Cookin' MCs like a pound of bacon."
from, "Ice Ice, Baby"

"I don't know—maybe it's got something to do with microwaves."
Gretchen Carruth, when asked to interpret the above lyrics by Vanilla Ice.

"Will you buy me some alcohol?"
Chink Dixie, requesting the aid of Chicken Sheets

"The bitch deserved to die! The bitch deserved to die! The bitch deserved to die!"
Pete Shortell, on the murder of Nicole Brown Simpson